How friends seem different now you are a counsellor

Im not sure if its me being slightly paranoid and overly analysing things but Ive suddenly got the feeling that something has shifted, that something weird has happened since I started telling people what I’m doing at college. Which I don’t do often because I always thought that this would be the reaction. My friends have started acting… slightly different around me. Like I’ve quietly upgraded from ‘mate’ to ‘mate with superpowers’.

The ‘Oh no, they can see into my soul’ phase

A few friends have gone a bit… cautious. Not in a dramatic way. More like they’re suddenly very aware that words exist and can be heard. You know when someone says something and then immediately turns into Micheal Jackson and tries to moonwalk out of the conversation they may have just started (don’t…wanna be startin’ somethin’ style)

‘Don’t be trying that counselling stuff on me!’

It’s like they think I’m going to whip out a tiny counselling stamp and go: ‘Interesting. Let’s unpack that.’ And honestly? Sometimes I do want to dig a little further into that but I’m well aware that I’m not your counsellor I’m your friend first and foremost. That even in session I’m not “doing counselling”. I’m having a chat but the difference is a client has chosen to be there with an issue in mind and we are trying to unpick that and go deeper. It’s what they have signed up for. Nothing like the chat I’d have with a friend in all honesty, unless they had stated they wanted to talk obviously, but even then I think it feels different to a session.

The Great Retraction: friends who suddenly go a bit… smaller

There’s a particular kind of retreat that happens with some people. They don’t stop being friendly, but they become a little more guarded. It’s Like they’re worried that every casual chat is now a ‘session’. I’ve noticed a few patterns:

• They keep conversations safely on ‘updates’ rather than ‘feelings’.

• They apologise for being ‘negative’… while describing a genuinely hard week.

• They make jokes about me ‘analysing’ them (while watching me very closely for signs of analysis).

And I get it. Counselling may feel a little mysterious from the outside. People imagine you’re trained to spot their most deep rooted secrets from the way they walk into a room.

For the record: I can’t. I’m still learning that part.

The minority: friends who suddenly open up

Then there’s the other group. The smaller group. The ones who see ‘trainee counsellor’ and think: ‘Ah. Finally. Someone who might understand why I put the milk in first when making a brew.’ These friends sometimes come in with a little disclaimer, like they’re about to read the terms and conditions out loud:

‘You’ll have heard this before…’ ‘You probably know about this stuff…’ ‘You might have some insight…’

And I had this quite recently. It did take me back a little because I didn’t expect it and I didn’t quite know how to react to what they had just said. It was the opposite of what I thought I would be like. I didn’t know what to do with the information they had given me. And I went into the “this has to be a perfect response” mode because it felt like a bit of a test. But once the initial shock passed, I remember I was there in a friend capacity. Admittedly it was quite touching. They weren’t asking for a diagnosis. They were just relieved to be talking to someone who wasn’t going to rush to fix it, minimise it, or change the subject.

The awkward middle bit: when friendship and ‘skills’ collide

Here’s the tricky part: I’m not their counsellor. I’m their friend. Sometimes I’ll ask a question and immediately worry it sounded too ‘counsellor-y’. Like I’ve just pulled a counselling move out of my pocket. But also… asking thoughtful questions is just part of being a decent friend, isn’t it?

What I’ve learned (so far)

If I’m honest, this whole thing has made me more aware of how vulnerable it can feel to be truly heard. Some people pull back because being listened to properly feels exposing. Others lean in because it feels safe.

And me? I’m learning to hold it lightly.

• I don’t need to ‘do counselling’ on my friends.

• I can be curious without being clinical.

• It’s okay to say: ‘Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?’

  
  

A tiny note to my friends (if you’re reading this)

You don’t have to perform around me. You don’t have to be ‘fine’. You don’t have to worry that every sentence is going into a secret counselling file. I’m still me. Just with a bit more training, a bit more reflection… and a slightly increased tendency to say things like ‘That makes sense.’ And if you *do* want to open up, you’re welcome. I’ll listen as your friend first. Always.